Astrology is right up there with egotistic snobs, low Internet speeds, folks acting like exasperating idiots around infants, going "O, what a sweeeeeeet little baby! You're just so unbelievably cuuuuuuute!" and people using the phrase "last but not least" and the word "myself" as "Myself, Harry" or "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. Myself Roy, your host for the night" on the list of things that make me want to kill a dozen dainty puppies with a sweetass 12 gauge double barrel shotgun. How the hell can millions of people go through the exact same things on the same day? Or if it is an "inexact craft", then how do you interpret it?
The fact that people base important decisions, even financial, based on it really boggles the mind. If that was not bad enough, people also use it as an easy way out. That's right, why blame yourself for your under-par performances or bad decisions when you can pin it on celestial objects millions of miles away? Because of the rampant belief in astrology, idiots like this guy are also allowed to go scot-free instead of being jailed for fraud and wastage of television airtime. And no, he doesn't die, not even due to shame. All this after the basis of astrology has been debunked by scientists. No, really, it has. Go here.
OK, as you can see, I was really bored and jobless when I wrote this. After writing all this, I was still bored, so I typed "horoscope today cancer" in google and went to the first few sites that came up.
Your personal charm and attractiveness has a positive effect on you at this time. People see you as a loving and lovable person, and as someone who is aware of their needs and feelings, which can benefit you at this time. Others are willing to help and cooperate with your goals and ambitions.
Power Numbers: 27, 14, 7, 4, 22, 9 Born Today: Nostradamus, Spike Jones, Shirley Jackson, Lee Remick, Sophie Monk |
First of all, what's with the "power" numbers? Do I buy a lottery with them? But what combination? Do I take an average(16.6)? Or a root mean square value(16.09865)? And what the hell do the percentages mean? 19% love? Does that mean 2 out of 10 chicks will say yes if I ask them out? But aren't girls always looking for someone who is "a lovable person", who is "aware of their needs and feelings" and all that tripe? Looks like my personal charm and attractiveness will have a negative effect on them at that time. And don't even get me started on the "born today" list. Last time I checked, this isn't facebook, and I don't know these people well enough to wish them.
Silence is a very valuable thing today. Try to still your rebelliousness. It is important to prepare yourself carefully for life’s challenges and rein in your impulsiveness.
Oh shit! Remain silent? Then how the hell do I use my personal charm and attractiveness??? No wait, that was another horoscope. Notice how 38.5% of this horoscope(It is important to prepare yourself carefully for life’s challenges) is pretty much general life advice, general enough to be true on any day.
You feel as if you've got massive back-up today, even if you're all alone. It's a great time to speak up for yourself, as others should have a hard time arguing or even disagreeing with you.
*triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnng* Houston, we have a contradiction! Unless by "speak up for yourself", the thing means "argue with others about the pricelessness of silence", I don't see how I can satisfy both.
Today you might have a tendency to criticize everybody at work. You are determined to solve a difficult issue and will resent your workmates' lack of involvement.
You will recover your good mood in the afternoon. Chances are you will have a great time with your friends. Remember: all work and no play is not the way to go!
I am a student, I don't have any occupation, and in any case my vacations are going on.
I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today in a very good mood from all the awesome sleep. After that, I had a long hot bath and some delicious food, and went to sleep again. When I woke up, it was 7.
I've not even come close to being in a bad mood, and the only "difficult issue" I had was deciding which pants to wear.
It is now night, and I have not yet met any of my friends, not even online or on the phone.
Therefore, I win.
From cainer:
'It isn't the winning that counts, it's the taking part.' This is more than just a pleasant platitude, by which life's runner-ups are consoled. It is actually a statement that acknowledges an essential fact. Victory is temporal and hollow. It is merely the other side of the coin labelled 'loss'. Go down far enough and you can only come up again. And vice versa. What's truly required, as we approach the holiday season proper, is not 'success' but stability and wisdom. The ability to be ambivalent but not apathetic. To not really mind if something happens, yet to feel inspired to try. Make your best effort. Remain objective and you will rapidly overcome this week's small astrological hurdle to happiness.
Holy shit! Thesaurus alert! Reminded me of The Architect from The Matrix, though here the ideas are ambiguous more than the words. But still, reconnoitering that agglomeration of equivocation is going to be thoroughly operose and will necessitate a lot of sedulousness.
From tarot:
Wednesday, Dec 3rd, 2008 -- You may have big ideas about a project at work today, but self-doubt could prevent you from telling anyone what you are thinking. Perhaps you remember some other time when you bit off more than you could chew. Nevertheless, your production anxiety is likely unfounded. Sharing your thoughts will be easier if you are honest about your strengths and limitations. It's better to ask for help up front than to promise more than you can deliver.
OMFG! It's all true! Don't you see? I had a "big idea" to make a "project"(blog) on astrology at "work"(on working the brain, isn't it obvious silly??? I mean, work can have so many possible connotations, and I will obviously choose the one that fits me, never mind that doing this could lead to the horoscope reading completely differently for 2 different people, with them extrapolating the surface meaning to their context in a way that will make it true). I didn't tell anyone as I doubted if I would ever finish it. I remembered previous blog posts I started with enthusiasm and never consummated. The next sentence has the word "likely" and hence can never be absolutely wrong. The rest of the horoscope(39%) consists of general life advice, general enough to be true on any day. Therefore, it all FITS!!! It took six tries, but he's really hit it out of the park and into space this time. How the hell did he do that???!!!
So, to summarize the advice given by all the horoscopes above, basically today all I have to do is pursue my goals and ambitions, prepare myself for upcoming tasks, speak up for myself, solve any difficult issues I come across, set aside some time for recreation, try my hand at everything with the best efforts, be well-versed with the philosophy of victory and defeat, remain objective, try to be happy and have a big, difficult idea about something and take other people's help and pull it off.
Whew! Now I see why all the celebs who take horoscopes seriously do so well in life. Too bad most of the day went in deducing all this. One can't follow the same protocol the next day, as it keeps changing. That's why they call it the daily horoscope. Damn you Venus!
Oh, and I've just realised that you can't verify the veracity of the content I've posted from the sites, as by the time you read this, it won't be the 14th of December, 2008 anymore. In that case you can do 2 things:
1. If you believe in astrology, blame it on the wrong alignment of the planets when you came here.
2. If you don't believe in astrology, eat me. Now, where's my 12 gauge?
