Astrology is Fraud

Astrology is right up there with egotistic snobs, low Internet speeds, folks acting like exasperating idiots around infants, going "O, what a sweeeeeeet little baby! You're just so unbelievably cuuuuuuute!" and people using the phrase "last but not least" and the word "myself" as "Myself, Harry" or "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. Myself Roy, your host for the night" on the list of things that make me want to kill a dozen dainty puppies with a sweetass 12 gauge double barrel shotgun. How the hell can millions of people go through the exact same things on the same day? Or if it is an "inexact craft", then how do you interpret it?

The fact that people base important decisions, even financial, based on it really boggles the mind. If that was not bad enough, people also use it as an easy way out. That's right, why blame yourself for your under-par performances or bad decisions when you can pin it on celestial objects millions of miles away? Because of the rampant belief in astrology, idiots like this guy are also allowed to go scot-free instead of being jailed for fraud and wastage of television airtime. And no, he doesn't die, not even due to shame. All this after the basis of astrology has been debunked by scientists. No, really, it has. Go here.

OK, as you can see, I was really bored and jobless when I wrote this. After writing all this, I was still bored, so I typed "horoscope today cancer" in google and went to the first few sites that came up.

From calastrology:

Your personal charm and attractiveness has a positive effect on you at this time. People see you as a loving and lovable person, and as someone who is aware of their needs and feelings, which can benefit you at this time. Others are willing to help and cooperate with your goals and ambitions. Love: 19% Emotions: 40% Intuition: 79% Creativity: 70% Work: 10% Money: 30% Power Numbers: 27, 14, 7, 4, 22, 9 Born Today: Nostradamus, Spike Jones, Shirley Jackson, Lee Remick, Sophie Monk

First of all, what's with the "power" numbers? Do I buy a lottery with them? But what combination? Do I take an average(16.6)? Or a root mean square value(16.09865)? And what the hell do the percentages mean? 19% love? Does that mean 2 out of 10 chicks will say yes if I ask them out? But aren't girls always looking for someone who is "a lovable person", who is "aware of their needs and feelings" and all that tripe? Looks like my personal charm and attractiveness will have a negative effect on them at that time. And don't even get me started on the "born today" list. Last time I checked, this isn't facebook, and I don't know these people well enough to wish them.

From gotohoroscope:

Silence is a very valuable thing today. Try to still your rebelliousness. It is important to prepare yourself carefully for life’s challenges and rein in your impulsiveness.

Oh shit! Remain silent? Then how the hell do I use my personal charm and attractiveness??? No wait, that was another horoscope. Notice how 38.5% of this horoscope(It is important to prepare yourself carefully for life’s challenges) is pretty much general life advice, general enough to be true on any day.

From horoscopes.astrology:

You feel as if you've got massive back-up today, even if you're all alone. It's a great time to speak up for yourself, as others should have a hard time arguing or even disagreeing with you.

*triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnng* Houston, we have a contradiction! Unless by "speak up for yourself", the thing means "argue with others about the pricelessness of silence", I don't see how I can satisfy both.

From eastrolog:

Today you might have a tendency to criticize everybody at work. You are determined to solve a difficult issue and will resent your workmates' lack of involvement.

You will recover your good mood in the afternoon. Chances are you will have a great time with your friends. Remember: all work and no play is not the way to go!

I am a student, I don't have any occupation, and in any case my vacations are going on.

I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today in a very good mood from all the awesome sleep. After that, I had a long hot bath and some delicious food, and went to sleep again. When I woke up, it was 7.

I've not even come close to being in a bad mood, and the only "difficult issue" I had was deciding which pants to wear.

It is now night, and I have not yet met any of my friends, not even online or on the phone.

Therefore, I win.

From cainer:

'It isn't the winning that counts, it's the taking part.' This is more than just a pleasant platitude, by which life's runner-ups are consoled. It is actually a statement that acknowledges an essential fact. Victory is temporal and hollow. It is merely the other side of the coin labelled 'loss'. Go down far enough and you can only come up again. And vice versa. What's truly required, as we approach the holiday season proper, is not 'success' but stability and wisdom. The ability to be ambivalent but not apathetic. To not really mind if something happens, yet to feel inspired to try. Make your best effort. Remain objective and you will rapidly overcome this week's small astrological hurdle to happiness.

Holy shit! Thesaurus alert! Reminded me of The Architect from The Matrix, though here the ideas are ambiguous more than the words. But still, reconnoitering that agglomeration of equivocation is going to be thoroughly operose and will necessitate a lot of sedulousness.

From tarot:

Wednesday, Dec 3rd, 2008 -- You may have big ideas about a project at work today, but self-doubt could prevent you from telling anyone what you are thinking. Perhaps you remember some other time when you bit off more than you could chew. Nevertheless, your production anxiety is likely unfounded. Sharing your thoughts will be easier if you are honest about your strengths and limitations. It's better to ask for help up front than to promise more than you can deliver.

OMFG! It's all true! Don't you see? I had a "big idea" to make a "project"(blog) on astrology at "work"(on working the brain, isn't it obvious silly??? I mean, work can have so many possible connotations, and I will obviously choose the one that fits me, never mind that doing this could lead to the horoscope reading completely differently for 2 different people, with them extrapolating the surface meaning to their context in a way that will make it true). I didn't tell anyone as I doubted if I would ever finish it. I remembered previous blog posts I started with enthusiasm and never consummated. The next sentence has the word "likely" and hence can never be absolutely wrong. The rest of the horoscope(39%) consists of general life advice, general enough to be true on any day. Therefore, it all FITS!!! It took six tries, but he's really hit it out of the park and into space this time. How the hell did he do that???!!!

So, to summarize the advice given by all the horoscopes above, basically today all I have to do is pursue my goals and ambitions, prepare myself for upcoming tasks, speak up for myself, solve any difficult issues I come across, set aside some time for recreation, try my hand at everything with the best efforts, be well-versed with the philosophy of victory and defeat, remain objective, try to be happy and have a big, difficult idea about something and take other people's help and pull it off.

Whew! Now I see why all the celebs who take horoscopes seriously do so well in life. Too bad most of the day went in deducing all this. One can't follow the same protocol the next day, as it keeps changing. That's why they call it the daily horoscope. Damn you Venus!

Oh, and I've just realised that you can't verify the veracity of the content I've posted from the sites, as by the time you read this, it won't be the 14th of December, 2008 anymore. In that case you can do 2 things:

1. If you believe in astrology, blame it on the wrong alignment of the planets when you came here.

2. If you don't believe in astrology, eat me. Now, where's my 12 gauge?

Of Molestations and Hospitality

A certain fiasco in Antaragni '08 reminded me of something that I was pissed at a while ago and why I was pissed at it. I am talking about the molestation incident during the concert. Those in the dark go here.

The debate very quickly got out of hand, with lots of frustrated IITians(endsems were going on at that time) using that forum to vent their irritation and what not. The whole thing as it stands now is a very funny farce, go through it to have a laugh.

So what really got me worked up was not the fact that IITians were blamed. Hell, any publicity is good publicity. I'm not here to point fingers at the LSR females for singling out the IITians for blame, or at the IITians for making a mockery of the whole article and posting MCP jokes on it, knowing it may put IITK's repute under some strain. IMO the blame lies with Hospi cell to a certain extent.

Like all colleges, IIT Kanpur has a Hospitality cell during during its cultural festival Antaragni. The way the Hospi cell works is, when a team reaches the Students' Activity Center, they are put under charge of a Hospitality volunteer(a guy in first year). The team members get their IDs at SAC before they are escorted to wherever they are lodged by the volley, who is supposed to look after their stay in the insti during the period of the festival.

The reason I blame the Hospi cell to some extent is because I had a talk with one of the volleys who got LSR and even he was not aware that there was a separate enclosure for females(which would have prevented the incident above). How do you expect the girls to know then? But obviously, pinning blame on only Hospi for this incident is fallacious, as there may have been other factors at work. But I have a lot of problems with its general working.

First of all the blame does not lie with the bachchaas for not having all the necessary intel, like the existence of a separate area for females in this case. They are not to be held responsible as they did not have any idea that they were supposed to know all this. Let me run through how exactly the whole process works for a first-yearite. The poor guys have been in the insti for a couple of months, and are yet to find their feet around the place, what with all the "informal interaction" and GBMs and midsems and what not. The lack of females in IIT and the brainwashing about Antaragni being some sort of free-for-all orgy is a very bad combination. To add to that, Hospi is hyped even more.

Now I was in the Hospi cell in my first year. My interview was actually decent, but somehow I got the feeling that I was only selected because there were less candidates from my hall. I thought this as I was asked nothing about Hospi other than a cliched question about whether I would offer to carry luggage for girls if they were finding it difficult to lug it around. I answered yes, I would out of common courtesy(I was actually asked to justify this, which I found a little stupid at that time). I later found out that you're "supposed" to say no, as that is not part of your "work description". The irony of these two words really cracks me up, as you'll see later. Basically, if you carry their luggage, the girls will "take advantage of you" and will "tell their friends that they made an IITian carry their luggage for them". Ouch, that's delicate IIT pride you're talking about. You don't hurt IIT pride, never mind the civil intent. So you say no.

Coming back to the "work description", from the time of selection to the festival, the volleys are not given any sort of formal instructions or training whatsoever. In fact, the only work they do is place mattresses at places where the coming teams would be staying. Once the festival starts, they are assigned a college when they arrive and told to take them where they're staying.

So two undesirable scenarios occur:

1. The volleys take their team to where they are supposed to stay and then just leave. Some of them even forget to give their mobile numbers to the team leaders. The teams are not given any sort of basic info about their accommodation, where the shops and competition areas are, whom to go to for info, where to go for food etc. Though this causes some vexation for the visiting teams, and leads to bad feedback in general about the Hospi cell, it is still way better then scenario #2.

2. The volleys act "too interested" in the colleges and not so much toe the line of decency as overshoot it by a good 100 yards. This pretty much happens due the Hospi hype and the bad combination mentioned above. They end up getting katofied(non-IITKians read rejected) from the colleges, not to mention the nose-dive that the reputation of the cell takes again.

Of course, these are not the only 2 things that happen. A decent number of volleys ensure that their colleges don't have any trouble finding their way around, and quite a few become good friends with them as well. But that's still not the majority sadly.

Also, let's clear up one thing. The bachchaas may be brainwashed and insufficiently instructed but that's no excuse for acting like satyromaniacs, at least in public. Nothing justifies that misdemeanor.

This year I had a talk with some first-yearites in the cell and the situation was exactly the same. In fact some aspects were apparently worse. One of my really good friends was a secy(they conducted the interviews) and he told me that the papers on which they gave marks to all the interviewees got lost. A bunch of secies(the ones who "know a lot of people") then got together, and selected bachchaas that they knew, while strictly conforming to a hall-quota basis. Wonderful.

All this peeves me even more because I really liked the idea of the Hospi cell when I first heard about it(and still do). IIT Kanpur is one of very few colleges that has a Hospi cell which actually assigns people to every single college. Prima facie, it seems to be a very good idea. But it is not implemented well at all.

One may argue that the volleys for the Hospi cell are not even needed, as the people who come for the festivals are old enough to find their way around the insti and should not be pampered with "attendants", which is also a wastage of first-yearite manpower. IMO even that would be better than the half-baked sham of a cell we have now.

I, for one, am all for having first-year volleys for colleges. IMO this is a great chance for the juniors to improve their soft skills, make friends with people throughout the country(maybe even get hooked up), get to know about other colleges and in general open up to interacting with new people, which, if I remember correctly is one of the purposes of the "informal interaction"(I'm using these scare quotes too often) that the poor souls have to face till just two months before the festival. In fact, isn't that one of the goals of a inter-college festival itself, to foster bonding between different institutes?

So what's wrong? There is a huge communication gap between the secy and volley level. The volleys are basically out of it. They have no idea what to expect and what they're supposed to do. There should some sort of talk where the volleys are told about what their "work description" entails besides being fanatical zealots of sacrosanct IIT pride. They should be told about the basic etiquette expected from them towards other colleges, especially girls, and that they should befriend them and help them in their stay in the insti as only a good friend could. All this will only help them in getting the maximum back from the cell and maybe even some good acquaintances in the country.

People also underestimate the importance of Hospi in the festival as a whole. Every single college member that comes to Antaragni comes in contact with a Hospi volley directly or indirectly. Now just think about the ramifications of that for a second. The volley may be the only IIT person that an outsider comes in contact with, and therefore he'll form his opinion of the festival and/or institute based on what his experience with the volley is like. More importantly, if all the volleys perform their duties well, there will be a lot less for people to complain about, and who knows, it may even prevent such untoward incidences as the molestation disaster this year.

10 Things That Make More Sense Than Lectures

10. A foreign movie without subtitles, you can read the expressions at least.

52% Consternation

13% Contumely

35% Trauma

9. People spending too much time on social networking websites.

8. Certain Bollywood movies.

7. A banana guard.

Because when it comes to lunch, you can never be too careful.

6. Einstein's theory of relativity.

5. Positive thinking.

A vicious circle???

4. A law in Italy which makes it illegal for men to wear skirts.

3. A portable food cooler.

2. Abstract art.

Visual sensation > depiction of objects

1. No comments.

Infidelity, polygamy, centenarians, sprawling family trees, verbigeration, blink-and-you-miss actor switches, metempsychosis, negative time dilation, philandering, Matrix-esque special effects and good-old-fashioned farce: brought to you one generation at a time.

Rant

Taken from Sid's blog:

This is a collab thingy me and Ashish wrote one night at the cc in our second sem. Right after the endsems, so it was something like 30th April or something. We left it incomplete and thought we'd finish it together sometime else. We never got around to doing it. Maybe we'll add some more courses to the roster if we get frust enough to think of completing this in the future. Happy reading!

A word of caution: For you own sakes('cause neither me nor Ashish care about what you think of us), do not judge the authors by the post. We were a bit too sick of acads and wrote a couple of things we shouldn't have(like abusing Lord Rayleigh, who, by the way, was never knighted). The article remained saved in my blog and hasn't been edited one bit. Just think of it as what went through two lost souls when they finished their end-sem exams(which, I hardly need say, were disastrous).

What we learn here:

PHY103

Why is the sky blue?

Interesting, no? Well get this, it is blue due to the oscillation of %@^!ing dipoles. That's right, ladies and gents, high up in the sky, you have electrons and protons forming nice little symmetrical pairs and oscillating in perfect harmonic motion. Now this is where things really get interesting. A formula pops up, literally from thin air(just like our little subatomic particles) I=aw^4sin^2theta made by some jobless b@s+@rd called Rayleigh(and that Queen b!+{h actually knighted him for it). So now I is proportional to the fourth power of w and since w is highest for violet the sky is violet...no wait things are never THAT simple, even if you are working with pop-out-of-nowhere formulae. So, violet, indigo, blue and all the other high w colours 'superimpose'(that's like intercourse in physics: two things combining to give a new thing that has the properties of both, happens all the time in physics, horny subject, no?) and you see blue.

So basically, guys who've come here to become engineers and who'll never use this formula in their entire life are made to mug it up without knowing where it came from. SAD.

MTH101

Ah...the big one.The biggest reason for sleepless nights after hall days. I'm pretty sure that even if I ever came within an epsilon distance of really understanding what's going on, I would never fall within the delta range of passing. Didn't get it? Neither did I! (managed to pass though, but that was because of the continuity of my friends' answer scripts into mine). This is what the course is: a sequence of mindless discontinuous topics put into a series of lectures. The subject really tests the limits of your patience. Convergence of your mind on the topic at hand is integral as theorems like Green's, Pappus', Stokes' will make your hair curl and you will not be able to differentiate between the various elements of the text.

CHM101

Held at 10am(why, oh why???), it ends the snooze cycle of your alarm clock. That's right, no more "Oh, I'll get up in ten minutes before the next snooze." Wake up by 9:55, hunt for lab goggles and a lab coat, make sure you've worn shoes and drag your sorry lazy butt to the chem lab, still groggy eyed and disheveled.

How chem lab basically works is:

1. Mix A and B.

2. Put some reagent/indicator/catalyst/whatever to the mixture.

3. Put some sort of measuring device in it and measure whatever the device is supposed to measure.

4. Repeat the whole thing to make your reading more 'consistent' .

5. Write a lab report showing how much you've learnt in 3 hours.

Of course, you could just skip the whole thing and copy the final results from your neighbour or any other student in the lab for that matter. But now, why would you want to do that when the alternative is so much fun and interesting and educating? Silly to even think of it, isn't it?

Said twice for comfort, but not here (5)

I thought about updating the last crossword post with new clues but then decided to make a completely new one. Cryptic clues kind of spice up a blog. Basically here, I'm going to explain some of my favourite cryptic clues and why they're so awesome to solve. If you're new to cryptics, go here and here. Let's start.

Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous, I quit (9)

Given to me by a friend of mine, I saw it a couple of weeks later in the Sunday TOI. Brilliantly constructed clue, the first ridiculous is the definition, the second is the anagram indicator and the third is the anagram fodder. But the answer has 9 letters and ridiculous has 10, so you have to remove 1, that is the letter 'I'(hence it quits). So anagram of ridiculous-i and means ridiculous. Got it? Answer here: LUDICROUS

Time for removing ups and downs (7)

It's a time and it means to remove ups and downs. Simple and yet so awesome when you get it. Can you see what it is? Answer: EVENING.

Food said to please a photographer (6)

It's a food and it's said to please a photographer. Now why would a photographer be pleased? If he gets a good smiling picture, right? So the answer is.......CHEESE.

One's manual exercise may be character building (6)

This is one CRAZY cryptic definition. A person who does manual exercise and it builds characters. Think as off-beat as you can for 'manual exercise' and 'character'. The answer may still surprise you if you don't get it. Our person is a TYPIST.

Exercising charity's in it (12)

This is something known as an &lit clue(pronounced 'and lit'). Such clues are extremely difficult to make and are equally awesome if done right. Basically other clues have a definition at the beginning or end of the clue and the other part of it is a cryptic way to get at the answer. But here, the whole clue plays a double role. Read one way, it's the definition of the answer and another it is a cryptic way to get the answer. In the above example, the answer is something where you are taught to exercise charity and read cryptically, it's an anagram of 'charity's in it'. Get it? The answer is CHRISTIANITY.

I'm a leader of Muslims! (4)

Another genius &lit. He is a leader of Muslims. Now read it cryptically. Leader of Muslims is the letter 'M'. The other three letters have to be taken as they are in the clue. Such clues can evoke a 'Holy cow!' if got right. Answer: IMAM.

I'm one involved with cost (9)

One final &lit. He's involved with 'cost' literally and it's an anagram of 'I'm one' and 'cost' with 'involved' as the anagram indicator. Answer: ECONOMIST.

Baby soldiers (8)

A nice pun-like double definition. The answer etymologically comes from a word for baby. Answer: INFANTRY.

You can't hit on this girl (6)

A clue that sounds funny on surface reading. You start picturing some sort of tough harridan or something. The answer is completely different. Think sports. Answer: MAIDEN.

Emotional people can be transported without difficulty (6,5)

Phrases and idioms make for awesome double definitions as what they literally mean is usually different from what they're supposed to mean. The above phrase is a good example. It means 'transported without difficulty' literally and it's phrase meaning is something that defines emotional people. Do you see the connection? Answer: EASILY MOVED.

Have veracity or moisture (4,5)

Another example of the previous type. 'Have veracity' is the meaning and 'have moisture' is the literal meaning in a way. Answer: HOLD WATER.

Receives and deceives (5,2)

A final example of this type. Answer: TAKES IN.

Bout of illness when you are healthy (3)

An awesome double definition as the the two meanings are opposites. As an adjective, the word means healthy but as a noun, it may mean a bout of illness. See the connection? Answer: FIT.

It's up for approval (5)

Simply brilliant. This is a cryptic definition, so the answer is the 'it' in the question. So, what's up for approval? Hint: ends with a b. Got it? Answer: THUMB.

It tightens a lock or picks it? (7)

The answer is again the 'it' in the question. The word 'lock' has 2 different meanings here. Once you realise those two meanings, you should get it. Answer: HAIRPIN.

E? Utter stupidity (13)

This is another CRAZY clue. The answer means utter stupidity and the 13 letter word, when looked at cryptically, gives you the letter 'E'. Confused? So was I :P Just think of a 13 letter word that fits and that is your answer. The go in reverse and see if you can explain the E. OK, the answer is SENSELESSNESS. Do you see why? SENSE-(LESS indicates subtraction) NESS. This clue is made more awesome by the fact that it makes sense on surface reading, as E could be the drug ecstasy.

Please turn off the lamp! (7)

This one is pure gold. A very smartly disguised double definition. The answer means 'please', (think of all the possible meanings of the word) and it means to turn off the lamp in a cryptic way. Answer: DELIGHT. Enough to evoke a "Wow!" whether you get it or not.

OK, this leaves the one in the title. That's a reasonably easy one, just attack it directly. Post the answer if you get it :)

Great Expectations

He was aware of a slight flutter inside him. His heart was beating faster and louder than usual. Expected, he thought. He had been preparing for 2 years for this. The moment of truth, so to speak. He told himself to calm down. His body wasn't responding for some reason, he was still in a state of mild hyperventilation. CALM DOWN! BREATHE! He almost shouted to himself. He took some deep calming breaths and felt better. He had a glance at his wrist watch. Any time now...

The calmness all around him made his thoughts drift to earlier times. His mother on the phone. "Oh Mrs. Sharma, he's always been coming in the top three in the mock tests his coaching classes have taken, tomorrow's JEE should be a mere formality now." He remembered being mildly annoyed, actually quite annoyed with that statement. What people (READ: parents) don't realize is that there are a hundred different random factors at work whenever you have to write an exam, and many of them are at work before you even give it. Doing well in a preparatory test doesn't mean you'll ace the real thing. Screwing up over the most trivial things during an exam(especially an important one) is the easiest thing in the world. Hell, you don't even have to do anything for that to happen, it's like an avalanche, the small snowball slowly but surely becoming more and more gigantic, until it is outright impossible to turn back and undo what has happened. But most elders don't understand that. They need to realize that things are not so simple: just study regularly and you'll get the required marks, they think, as if the two have a direct linear proportionality between them without any other factors. If that were true, almost a quarter of the contenders should be passing, shouldn't they? No, there are other agents involved, more subtle ones that mess around with you in your head. Psychological stress, parental pressure, rat races: these terms make a lot of sense when you go through them. But they never understood, even when he tried to explain. No wonder he got so....*TRIIIIIIING!!!!!*

Oh shit! The bell! He snapped back to reality with a sudden shudder. It had begun. Focus, he told himself, focus! He grabbed the question paper the invigilators were handing out with trembling hands. He flipped it over, argus-eyed and alert.

He came across the first question in chemistry:

2.5 mL of 2/5 M weak monoacidic base (Kb = 1 × 10–12 at 25ºC) is titrated with 2/15 M HCl in water at 25ºC. The concentration of H+ at equivalence point is (Kw = 1 × 1014 at 25ºC)

(A) 3.7 × 10–13 M (B) 3.2 × 10–7 M

(C) 3.2 × 10–2 M (D) 2.7 × 10–2 M

I know this! I've come across this one of the many preparatory exams I've given before this. But then he stopped. Was he absolutely sure of the answer? The question seemed too easy, maybe it was a trick question. Maybe the paper setter wanted the students to think the question is easy and mark the wrong answer while it actually was a red herring. Maybe he was a sadistic bastard playing reverse psychology. But then, maybe he expected the students to think of all this and maybe the question was actually simple, he was hoping the students would think too much(they were budding IITians after all) and mark the wrong answer even though the question was simple...Suddenly he realized that he had taken too much time with this one objective question. He still hadn't marked anything. Tick, tock, tick, tock..... no, no have confidence in yourself! You've done this before! Mark the option you thought was right initially!

His pencil was shaking in his hand. Arrrrgh! I can't even hold the damn thing properly! He kept the pencil on the desk and tried relaxing his hand. He glanced down the question paper and realized that the first question was the only one from the chapter on equivalence. If he got it wrong, then all the time he spent understanding the principles of the whole chapter, doing all kinds of sums in it would be for nothing. He started feeling shaky again. He finally decided to leave it and come to it later. He saw the next one.

Among the following, the surfactant that will form micelles in aqueous solution at the lowest molar concentration at ambient conditions is -

(A) CH3(CH2)15N+(CH3)3Br– (B) CH3(CH2)11OSO−3 Na+

(C) CH3(CH2)6COO–Na+ (D) CH3(CH2)11N+(CH3)3Br–

He read and reread it. He was clueless. Shit! The first question was tricky and now I don't know this one. His confidence started oozing away. I don't know anything! What have I even prepared? Suddenly all the earlier exams didn't matter. Hell, they never mattered, did they? They were there so I do well in this test which I'm obviously not. I shouldn't have worked so hard for those exams, staying awake till three and sleeping for meager hours. I'm an idiot! In the pressure he didn't realize that others were probably finding it difficult as well. He thinking was far too irrational by now for that. Things were falling apart slowly. He found it increasingly difficult to focus.

Suddenly his brain started doing other calculations, at a surprisingly fast pace considering his situation: he had prepared for this exam for 2 years, assuming 2 hours of study a day(more than reasonable, pretty less actually) that comes out to be around 1,460 hours. And all his efforts were going to be judged in these 6 hours which meant that every minute here was worth around 4 hours of his study time in the past 2 years, and the minutes were slowly slipping by.....2 hours, 4 hours, 8 hours.....NOOOOO! What am I doing? I am wasting all those hours! Concentrate! CONCENTRATE!

But it was of no use. The desperation grew exponentially, feeding upon itself like some sort of mutated virus. He almost broke down from the dysphoria. His entire body was shaking now, the beats of his heart thudding inside his head. He was suddenly overcome by a bout of claustrophobia. The walls were closing in on him from all directions, about to crush him. Every little sound he could hear around him: the scribbling of pen on paper, the gentle steps of the supervisors on the concrete floor, the whirling fan, the slow rhythmic tick-tocks of the wall-clock, the occasional fluttering of a bird's wings outside the window as it flew, the mild honking of cars far away, all of them started sharply pricking his ears, like the screeching of nails on a blackboard. His breathing was obstructed as well for some reason, as if someone was choking him. He frantically started looking left and right, all the other students were calmly answering their paper.....3.2 lakh competitors were racing ahead of him every second. NO! He needed to get out of this room, get out of it right NOW!

"Miss! I need to use the toilet!" he almost shouted out in a frantic voice. The teacher walking next to him looked mildly amused by the tension in his voice. "Sure thing beta, it's up ahead and to your left." He practically ran out of the class, not stopping till he was alone and isolated inside one of the toilet cubicles.

He started hearing the familiar voices again. "My son has always been coming first in school just like his brother, putting him in IIT classes was but the obvious thing to do. He didn't even protest much when I told him he had to take science." He wondered why he didn't. True, he used to get good marks in science and maths earlier, but so do quite a few people in every single school. That doesn't really imply that he would find college science interesting, it was nothing like what they were taught in school, he had already seen that in the last 2 years. The truth was, he never had time to think, or rather he never took out time to think after the results came out. What he was "supposed" to do after his tenth was already decided by the other members of his family. Did he regret not thinking about himself now? Or was it too late for that already?

More voices. "I'm sure you'll do well, your father and elder brother are also IITians, it runs in the family." He was so appalled by the absurdity of the statement even now that he almost laughed out loud. Runs in the fucking family, what a laugh. Did that mean he wouldn't have to study his ass off, that he would just make it because it is written in his bloodline? I don't think so. But obviously, if he doesn't make it, he will be labelled the black sheep of the family faster than you can say "IIT". But if he does make it, it really wouldn't be a big deal, he was merely continuing the legacy, he wasn't really doing anything even remotely groundbreaking or momentous, it was all done and achieved before him. Sometimes, he felt like cursing the very family he was born into.

No, no, no, NO!!! There is no point reminiscing about that now. Every second I'm wasting now is worth so much! I have to give it my best shot. I need to have something to show for everything I've done in the past. Come on, I can do it! With some new found optimism totally incongruous considering his situation, generated from hopelessness more than logical thinking, he quickly walked to the basin. He doused his face with cold water, wiped it quickly and almost ran back to his class.

In the end, he ended up leaving chemistry in the middle, moving on to maths now. But the loss of time had taken a toll on him. His sanguinity didn't last long, soon he started becoming increasingly edgy and nervous again, aware that all the while the clock was ticking away.....16 hours, 20 hours, 24 hours.....but he hung on this time. As more minutes elapsed and he got more questions under his belt, he felt better. But the lack of time hurt him badly in the end. He didn't even reach the second half of the chemistry paper.....

The bell rang. The sound gave him a sudden start, as if waking up from a trance. He realized that he was still edgy, his heart rate still off the charts. He wasn't exactly aware of what transpired in the last three hours. One of the teachers collected his sheet from his desk.

Slowly everything slid into focus. He had screwed up. His paper was an unmitigated disaster. There was no way to change it now. There was no hope. It was over. All the things that he had missed over the last 2 years, staying at home studying while friends outside were having fun, getting cut off from his social circle, all the computer games and movies and outings and concerts missed were for nothing.

He slowly got up and walked over and picked up his bag. Time seemed to have slowed down or sped up, he couldn't even decide which one. He dragged himself out of the class and down the stairs outside the college. Everywhere around him were voices, only this time they didn't have their origins inside his head.

"Dude that wasn't so bad at all!"

"Chem ka last part was too easy, wahan score ho jayega."

"IT'S FINALLY OVER!!! THAT BITCH OF AN EXAM IS DONE!!!"

"Man, maths screwed me up badly!"

"Phy was fine, math was fucking hard but chem made it up for me."

His feet suddenly froze. His parents were standing at the gate, their smiling faces radiating more confidence than hope. He looked down at his feet and took a deep breath.

He walked on.

The Big Indian Wedding

Last semester, I had gone for a relative's wedding from Kanpur. I went by train to Mirjapur (reading novels with the air blowing on your face in sleeper class rocks!) and stayed there for around two days.

I met a lot of old relatives there and many dear cousins, it felt good to be amongst all of them. There was a cultural programme on the first day, with all my cousins performing. Ended up missing that as the train was 4 hours late, stupid Indian railways. The reception was on the next day, the baraat started in the evening at around 6, with the groom, dressed sitting on top of an awesome looking totally pimped out horse (excuse the bad analogy to cars) and we went talking and dancing to the hotel where the bride was staying.

At the reception, all the ingredients of a great Indian wedding were present: the exquisitely dressed about-to-be husband and wife, all the guests in their glittering apparel, the decorated mandal with the traditional pyre and pundit, the awesome oily and spicy Indian food and what not. All these things got me thinking a lot about Indian weddings in general. India has always been renowned for having really grand weddings. Indian shaadis are BIG: make no mistake, we leave no stone unturned to ensure that the event is something that will be remembered.

My eyes traveled to bride and groom, their lives were forever going to be united as one, they each having taken a vow not to leave the other's side and felt all fuzzy inside.....OK maybe that was too sugary but my point is, the whole thing is so momentous. Two families- and bear in mind Indian families are huge- are going to be joined together, they are going to meet many new people and many new relationships will be forged between them. Suddenly you have many new mamis, chachas, cousins, grannies.....more people you can call family. This is why I love Indian weddings, because they do justice to how HUGE the event is. I guess people throughout the world also realize this, which is why many of them have their weddings/wedding ceremonies done Indian style, or should I say big Indian style.

But obviously there is a flip side as well. I've read an article in a newspaper about the massive amounts of money that people put in such weddings. Often, marriages become a show of class: having an epic and lavish wedding ceremony is a way to show your stand in society. This is true in villages as much in cities. This creates a lot of financial strain on family members, with a lot of borrowing to ensure the wedding takes place as wanted. Many times, paying the loan back becomes difficult creating an even worse monetary situation.

There are people who hate Indian weddings for the same reason, because they're so big that everything kinda feels 'fake'. As in, it feels weird getting introduced to so many people, most of which you'll never see or remember anyway, having to wear flashy clothes and in general the feeling of pretense that you have to drag with yourself and the plastic smile you have to wear on your face whenever you meet your endless relations.

Many people hate talking to relatives who are complete strangers (especially aunties who always say the same three things: 1. You've grown so big since I last saw you! 2. You're so thin, you should eat more! 3. Look how grown-up you are, so when are you getting married?!!) about random topics but come on, they are your family after all. The only reason they ask the same cliched questions is because they find making conversation as difficult as you do. The generation gap problem will always be there.

Is the whole thing superficial? Even though it may seem that way, I'm happier knowing that I have so many people who care for me. It feels good inside. Being accepted and loved by others is one of the best feelings in the world, and it feels great to know I have loads of people I can fall back on. Granted, friends are always there, but family is family after all, and friends may not always be by your side. Bottom line is, you have more people who will call you when you are in trouble or just to know how you are doing, and that feels great.

So the marriage ceremonies got over and I came back to IIT (train wasn't late this time). Then I kinda realized that I didn't have much time before the first mid-sem (40 hours to be exact!) and they kinda got screwed. But hey, in the long run, it's the memories that matter, right? To the next big Indian wedding, then!

You Know You're in IIT When...

A collab tp article written after the end sems were over to vent all our frustrations at acads and what not. This one was me and Anish. Kinda cliched, I know, but hey it's fun writing something like this.

You know you're in IITK when:

1. The single most used, most abused word that encapsulates life here is.........*drumroll*......... "frust". You are so frustrated with the length of the word frustrated because you use it so many frustrating times that you get frustrated and end up making a short form of the word so you don't get frustrated saying frustrated all the time. Wasn't that frustrating?

But seriously, here you are frust with acads, frust with mess food, frust with the profs, frust with your wingie for not returning your set square which you need in TA Lab and it's already 10:05 and you're gonna be late, frust with the dhobi banging on your door all the time(dhobi:bhaiya, kapde! me: kaun $^@*($#&), frust at the lack of the fairer sex, frust at the bad water supply when you finally decide to have a bath after a week, frust with the ^&%#ing peacocks waking you up in the morning, frust with all the thousand little things that you have to do to survive(bills, study material, recharge, smelly clothes, pending assignments, seniors telling you to do work for them, frequent quizzes, power politics between "friends" etc. etc. etc.).

2. A person who has a bath more than once a week is looked upon with amazement(Wasting water, the ^%$$&*^$!).

3. People either have really long hair or no hair at all(Either way, they look like dorks, so what the hell).

4. The most abused thing on campus are our alarm clocks that are inhumanly thrown/rattled in rage(STOP RINGING *$^$(&*) or just completely ignored. Here's what an IITian usually goes through in the morning:

At 7am

a. Alarm rings.

b. Ignore.

c. When the sound refuses to abate, press snooze.

d. Enjoy blissful sleep for the next 5 minutes.

e. Alarm rings again. Go back to b.

f. Continue steps a-e till it's 9:55am and you have to get up anyway because you have a lab that cannot be bunked sadly.

g. If by any chance, it's past 10, go back to sleep(I mean, aren't you a man of principles? You either attend on time or not at all).

5. There is no such thing as a 'routine'. Impulsiveness is the way of life. A trip to the library is very very very easily diverted to a trip to the canteen on seeing some friends(definition of friend: any familiar face is good enough). Dinner at 2am, sleep at 4am, breakfast at 11am, tennis/badminton/tt/cricket anytime. Notice the complete absence of studies.

6. One of the most common jokes you hear is about the 'male frustration coefficient': the ratio of peacocks to girls on campus which remains constant at about 117.12. Guys masquerading as girls online, making fake Orkut profiles to trick other guys is commonplace here. A guy may not get noticed even if he wins a $&*$ing Nobel but a girl breaking her sandal is &%^(ing front page news.

7. The best place in the whole campus is the canteen. A place you go to at least thrice a day. The mess food is inedible to say the least with people choking on bones and rubbery rotis(what's for lunch in the mess today? rubber pani(some paneer gravy dish) and rock hard rotis that should be used in commercials of toothpastes{look how strong this toothpaste made our teeth, we can BITE this!})

8. Inter-college fests are a time when the entire campus undergoes a major face lift. Antaragni: four days when we see strange species otherwise extinct on campus. Female bipedal primates belonging to the mammalian species Homo Sapiens, also referred to as nain sukh prapti or eye-candy. Freshers and seniors alike try their luck at "The Quest": To get a person of the fairer sex to talk to you. A successful conversation could be something like:

Guy looking glassy eyed and overwhelmed by the sheer tidal force of the beauty around him. Summoning courage, he walks up to a solitary ravishing female.

Glassy Eyed IITian: Ummmm, soooooo, excuse me.....

Pulchritudinous Girl: Yeah?

GEI: Welllll(much to his chagrin, realizing that his otherwise reliable mental faculties are not responding here), are you enjoying Antaragni?

PG: It's good enough, I guess.

GEI: So....(looks left and right for inspiration)....(sees a hoarding for AIDS awareness)...AIDS huh? It would suck having that.

PG: (pretty abashed) What?

GEI: No I meant the shade, it's too sunny here, let's stand under AIDS, I mean the shade. (Sweat glands working in overdrive)

PG: Uh, actually I had to go and meet my college friends...

GEI: No wait, there was something else, uhhh well, your hair....it is really long and uhhh black.....

PG: OK......

GEI: No I mean really, it's so black, like black paint or shoe polish you know. It's like, long, black and straight. Did you dye it today?

PG: OK, I REALLY have to leave now. Uhhh, bye, I guess.

GEI: Sure, see you around...

PG:(mutters under her breath) I hope not, sheesh!

Did I say successful? Yes, because at the end of the day, our GEI goes back and flaunts this conversation to his friends with "minor" changes.

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OK, that's enough IITK bashing for one post I think. Till the next Antaragni, then! 

8 Simple Rules

Do your 10th boards well and your life will be set.

Do your 12th boards well and your life will be set.

Do your CET, AIEEE, BITSAT, JEE etc. well and your life will be set.

Maintain a decent CPI and your life will be set.

Do your CAT, GMAT etc. well and your life will be set.

Do well in your PG courses and your life will be set.

Get a decent job and your life will be set.

Marry a 'nice' girl from a 'good'(READ: same religion, caste and stinking rich) family, settle down(READ: pay your bills, file your returns, have a 9 to 5 job) have kids(READ: Err...just do your best :P) and your life will be set.

But stray away from any of these 'goals', for whatever reason and by however small a margin and you won't stop hearing about your 'good friend' who did all the things you were 'supposed' to do and is now the poster child for every other person that has 'goals' and is 'career-oriented'.

Life is difficult man! Don't let peer pressure get the best of you :)

Guardian Angel

His drunk father started hitting his mother again. He was locked in his room.

He was ragged in school for being too poor. His life was a mess.

He broke down completely. Then he remembered her.

His best friend since he was four. Someone to always fall back on.

He phoned her, bared out his soul to her, told her everything.

She listened consolingly. She told him it would get better and to hang on and fight.....

Her voice gave him strength.

His tortured soul was at peace. He sobbed. He could get by another couple of days.....

The Big Question

OK, so I walk into my hostel's reading room and stumble across something interesting going on television. IndiaTV has organised this 'open challenge' of sorts between a rationalist and a tantrik. The rationalist had basically said that superstitions and mantras and all are nonsense and people should stop putting blind faith in holy men. The tantrik's professional pride was obviously hurt, so he said that he would make the rationalist unconscious using a magical spell or mantra or whatever and was attempting to do so when I started seeing the show. The whole thing was called 'breaking news' for some reason, even though it was arranged by the channel itself. But hell, it's become such a loose term these days, used for anything from celebrity hook-ups to celebrity break-ups to.........more celebrity hook-ups :P

OK, so we have tantrik v/s rationalist, science v/s religion, yin v/s yan. The rundown of the show was (basically :P) something like this:

Anchor(let's call him Tom, it's a nice name for anchors): OK, ladies and gentlemen, we are now 10 minutes into our IndiaTV something something something challenge. Remember, the tantrik had said that his spell would work in under 20 minutes. Let us see what the ground situation is with X.

X(now obviously his name wasn't X, but it's a cool letter to look at and all, so let's stick with it): Well Tom, the two adversaries are face-to-face and are beating down upon each other. The clock is slowly ticking away and the tantrik doesn't have much time left to complete his mantra. Let us see what our two contenders have to say.

Rationalist(slightly plump, actually quite plump and in a nicely ironed grey suit with a REALLY REALLY SMUG smile on his face):Superstitions are bullcrap. This so-called tantrik is not going to be able to do anything to me with his so-called mantras. I hate swindling holy men. You people are lame.

Tantrik(in a normal holy man attire and really hyper from all the mantra chanting): Now you will fall down! My mantra will incapacitate you! *mutters weird Hindi and adds random things to the pyre*

Rationalist: Your magic tricks are full of bullcrap. Superstitions are bullcrap. It is sad that in a country like India people still believe in such puerile things. Superstitions suck.

Tantrik: Not so fast! Just wait! It's only a matter of time! *chants more viciously now*

Rationalist:The day we stop putting blind faith in superstitions will be a happy day for the country. You suck. All tantriks suck.

X:Well, dear viewers, 20 minutes are almost over and it seems that the tantrik has been unsuccessful.

Tantrik:Well, it may have not worked now, but in 3 days, this man will fall prey to a terrible malaise! A most ghastly infirmity I tell you!

X:But you had said that it will work in under 20 minutes. And nothing has happened.

Tantrik:Never mind that! In a while, I will unleash a terrible distress over him! *starts mumbling mumbo jumbo again*

X:In a while? What do you mean? We have an audience here. How long do you expect them to wait for you?(not to mention the commercials after EVERY BLOODY FIVE MINUTES) Will it be done in 20 minutes?

Tantrik:Sure, why not?!!

Rationalist:Did I mention how full of bullcrap superstitions are?

X: Well, Tom, in what can only be described as an amazing turn of affairs(OH REALLY???), the tantrik, after failing once, has started the spell again with renewed vigour. Let us see if he can do something this time.

Tom:Wow X, things are really heating up out there. Ladies and gentlemen, the situation is getting murkier by the minute. Will the tantrik succeed this time? Or will he fail like his previous 5 attempts? What about the rationalist? Will the tantrik succeed in converting him or will he be as obstinate as ever? Stay tuned and find out as we return after these commercial messages!

Sooooo.........what do we learn from the whole charade? Let us not go into who was right and who wasn't, the black and white of it. I am not even going to try to write my opinions on the whole 'science v/s religion' debate. It'll be too long, drawn-out and (probably :P) boring. It will be like writing about the purpose of life(which, by the way, according to me is to gain as much happiness in the long term as possible). So I want to leave this open to interpretation.

However, before concluding this, let us go back to the TV gig that started it all. Well, an hour was now over and the tantrik still hadn't done anything, the rationalist's nervous system was in fine working condition. He was totally rapturous at this point, he had finally won and the show looked like it came to an end. At this point even I was bored, and decided to leave without seeing the conclusion. There was a middle-aged man sitting next to me, the two of us were the only people in the reading room watching the show. He turned the TV off and was about to leave himself. As I walked past him, he said:

"These TV people must have not got a proper tantrik for the challenge. They must have just picked up any random pandit that they came across."

Like I said, open to interpretation. :)