Green Eyes

A short story written by Aditya and me.

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Green! As green as the crystal clear waters of Seychelles. It caught me off guard and I was left stunned. Then back to reality, courtesy of Fardeen`s push . I realised I was the blocking the doorway of the McDonalds restaurant we had just entered. I tried to recollect what I had seen. I was walking into the restaurant when I had seen her eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I don't know whether it was the vibrant green color or the piercing glare it gave me, but I was left stunned till Fardeen pushed me ahead. As I waited for Fardeen to order, all I could think about were the eyes. I had the strangest feeling all over. Had I fallen for this mysterious woman and her wonderfully green eyes? I hadn't even seen her face, yet I felt strangely attracted to her. That was the first time I saw her, but not the last...

I started noticing the female sex differently from around secondary school. My first experience of an infatuation was with a girl was in sixth grade. At that time it felt wrong to be so attracted towards her. But I just couldn't help myself, I never can. The jet-black hair, the athletic arms and legs, the dainty way she would turn her head back and chat with the boys sitting behind her, the long silky pony-tails flowing behind like a gentle wave. She would pervade my every thought. I became obsessive, flustered, teetering, deriving vicarious pleasure from what-could-be-if-things-work-out. But I never had the courage to ask her out. I did not know how she would react. The fear of disclosure was as great on that day as it is today, half a dozen years and many rejections later.

I have lived my whole life in Delhi and right now, am studying in a college here. Growing up in a metro meant that I got a lot of exposure to the real world. Fardeen had been my best friend ever since we studied in school together. We occasionally hang out at Connaught Place and preferred this particular joint. But I had never seen Miss "green eyes" around. I decided to ask around, try to get her name at least. Most of them were of no help at all, but I got the heartening piece of information that she used to come to this joint occasionally too. Now that I got a lead, I decided to follow. Of course Fardeen knew nothing about my dream girl. I would not share these things with him, my love-life and my friends were separate parts of my life, they would never intermingle. I spent the next few days roaming around Connaught Place looking for her, but to no avail. I asked around again, trying desperately to get a name or address, but no luck. I spent the next whole week waiting for her in McDonalds, and she never turned up. I had not given up hope yet. That whole month was spent in waiting. She never came...

Someone had rightly said about love: it is all encompassing, all pervading, irrespective of how weird or pretentious it may seem to an outsider. I have been searching for love as long as I can remember, and finally found it in my final year in school. The girl was one of my good friends who was with me since childhood. Somewhere down the line, the friendship grew into something else, I became physically attracted to her and realised what I was feeling. Since I knew her well, confessing was much easier. She said she was totally taken aback by what I said, that it was the last thing she expected. But now that I brought it up, she wouldn't mind getting into it and giving it a try. And she said that sometimes, she had felt those kind of feelings for me as well but was too embarrassed to admit them. Hearing her say that was the best moment of my life.

From the beginning everything felt right. It seemed as if it was meant to happen, that I was destined to love her. For the next six months, I was in paradise. Beatles songs sounded better. Chocolate tasted better. Everything in life was perfect. For a change, I felt like less of a misfit. We would have long talks day and night. We would pour our hearts out to each other, living as one soul. No one understood me as well as she did. Maybe it was because she and I had so much in common. But I was rudely awakened from the dream soon enough. I was guilty of experiencing too much happiness. Clearly, I was not supposed to and fate caught up. One day, just like that, she told me it was over. She could not do it, she said, it did not feel right. I was shattered. A week later, she started dating a guy who was one of our common friends. I cut myself off from her. I've not talked to her for a year and a half. Last I heard, she is still dating the same guy. Sometimes, I still stay up long painful nights and wonder what sin I had committed to deserve such penance. That boy would never love her the way I did, he did not know her like I did, he would not understand her needs and wants, she should not have left me, I would have loved her a lot more than the guy ever could, loved her for who she was. But then I realise that I am only trying to convince myself. I have to learn to move on.

Finally, one day when me and my friends were roaming around Delhi, I saw Miss green eyes again. She was sitting in a cafe sipping something, ALONE. My view was completely focused on her pretty face and everything in the background became blurry. I usually have no problem talking to girls, but today I felt weak and helpless. I knew that this chance would probably never come again and so I took the initiative. Leaving the guys who were busy chatting, I walked slowly but steadily towards her table. My knees were shaking and were almost on the verge of collapse. As I finally reached the table, she was standing up to leave. She saw me standing in front of her and said

"Hello, can I help you?"

My throat went dry, but i managed to say "Yes, I..um..uh...I saw you in McDonalds the other day...the one in CP...."

"Okay, do I know you?"

"No no, it's just that...uh...you have beautiful eyes" I said with a weird smile plastered on my face.

"Thanks...well , I think I should go now.."

"No! Wait....I wanted to say that I'm really, really attracted to you and .." I blurted out, and was wondering if she understood what I was trying to say.

"What the hell?!?...Are you nuts?!?" she became livid ,"What do you think I am???...look I already have a boyfriend so just leave, you @#$%%^ freak!!!" she almost shouted. I was shocked and heartbroken and tried really hard to keep a straight face as I saw her eyes for one last time. Then I left, never to see her ever again.

It's been a year since that episode and I have never seen Miss "green eyes" ever since. I have a steady partner now. I have fallen in love again. She is beautiful, caring, understanding....special just like me. Of course, we haven't revealed our relationship to anyone yet. It's obviously because the whole world, especially Indians, including the girl, haven't accepted the concept of lesbianism. Sometimes, I feel the world will never understand the problems a woman like me faces everyday. Neither did the girl. Someday, maybe...but not now. Till then...